Mad

My fellow military spouse, miscarriage survivor friend who I met when I lived in Raleigh, Brittany (who just started a blog), just told me the following advice on fb chat:

Do something you can go all out on

you may not be sad, honey

you might be pissed

Hmmmm. I knew talking to her would help. Brittany has a background in fitness and personal training, and does cross fit and is basically amazing. I told her that I've been feeling numb lately and I want to sob it out and I can't. She said to scream into a pillow, or go do something where I can 100% let go. Too bad I missed my kickboxing class this morning.

I didn't think about the emotions beyond sad. Maybe I am over being sad and now I am just MAD. Maybe getting mad will lead me to that sob fest I need? I learned in high school that "mad is not an emotion" and that it always masks something else, like fear, hurt, or frustration. But, I think right now, I need to just be mad and let whatever is underneath it boil to the surface that way.

Knowing me I will probably be like, super happy and enthusiastic for a week, sunshine and ponies, and then go bake something that backfires and scream at the oven. 

And since I don't want to have two completely depressing blog posts in a row with nothing else in them...

I did try to make a german chocolate cake the other day. I didn't taste any because it was for someone, but half way through I almost gave up! Turned out okay looking at the end:

Thank you Stacy Vaughn for helping me save the cake via text messages!

How to end ummmmmm isn't this a cute outfit? My mom got me these socks to fold over boots. 

Yes that's a maternity sweater. Sue me okay? I like how it is long and hides my upper thighs! :-)